Growing up means finding your place in the world, and often that means working out where you fit in alongside other people your age. Kids do this by comparing themselves to other children, and in the age of social media, too much comparison can be a bad thing for kids. If you want to help them think more positively about themselves, try a few of these tips.
How to stop kids comparing themselves to others
Point out their good points
Sometimes kids can focus on just a few things – like who is popular, who got the most Christmas or birthday presents, who’s got the best trainers, who’s the tallest, the slimmest, the fastest runner, or funniest. The truth is, there are lots of reasons to praise young people: they can be kind, supportive, good cooks, helpful around the house, really smart at games, or really tidy. If they start drawing comparisons about so-and-so at school, find something that your child does well, and single that out. Everyone has strong points, so focus on those.
Build self confidence around things they're good at
Often, when children compare themselves to others, they’re trying to work out where they fit in. Parents can offer positive affirmation here, by praising kids. Try saying something positive about something they may already suspect is good – such as praising their skills in a new sport they’ve taken up, or complimenting them on a new outfit they’ve chosen.
Model good behaviour
Kids learn by example. If parents are constantly comparing themselves to friends, or talking about something the neighbours have, children are likely to notice. Change the way you behave, and they may follow.
Don’t compare them to other children
Dr Elizabeth Kilbey is a child psychologist who has spent years working with children, both in the NHS and privately. She knows how money affects the way kids compare themselves with others “There can be a lot of status and stigma about your financial position, especially among your friends,” Elizabeth has told NatWest MoneySense.
However, she also points out that no-one’s financial journey is the same. Neither kids nor adults really know what’s really going on in other people’s worlds. In the end, it’s better to focus on yourself.
Dr Elizabeth Kilbey is a child psychologist who has spent years working with children, both in the NHS and privately. She knows how money affects the way kids compare themselves with others “There can be a lot of status and stigma about your financial position, especially among your friends,” Elizabeth has told NatWest MoneySense.
Try a little gratitude and take a little pride
If something goes well, try to get your child to recognise it, and show some pride and gratitude. It could be scoring a goal, making a new friend, or just having a good day at school.
You could think of pride as positive self-comparison, which might be what you’re looking for.
And studies suggest that showing gratitude, or thanks for something in life, can make people feel better about themselves. You could even get them to try a gratitude journal, so it becomes a regular thing.
Show them problems with social media
Remember: everyone’s life looks better on social media. Children won’t just be comparing themselves to big-name influencers via these platforms, they’ll be comparing themselves to other kids in their class.
With influencers, it’s worth reminding children that only a few social media users make it big; unfortunately, they’re the ones most of us watch. If you think your child will understand, point out just how few Instagram stars or TikTokers actually attract a lot of followers, and how many fail to get even a small audience. Given the numbers, they really shouldn’t compare themselves with the most popular accounts in the world.
And when it comes to checking out their friends and neighbours, ask them if comparing themselves with people on social media sometimes makes them feel unhappy. If they say ‘yes’, definitely set screen time daily limits.
Remember: everyone’s life looks better on social media. Children won’t just be comparing themselves to big-name influencers via these platforms, they’ll be comparing themselves to other kids in their class.
Kids going back to school?
If your kids are going back to school, check out our parents guide to going back to school. Not sure how much pocket money to give them? We’ve got you covered with how much pocket money should you give your child at secondary school.